ADHD and Feelings of Inadequacy: A Journey of Self-Discovery
As mentioned in my previous post, the wide spectrum of symptoms of ADHD become entangled over time with the sense of self, identity, and self-worth. Why should this matter to you? Because you may have some negative images of yourself that have nothing to do with you but are the symptoms you have yet to untangle and address.
Fortunately for us, there is a lot of attention paid to how we untangle this web and separate ourselves at our core from the struggles we have had all our lives. But let us back up for a moment and examine why there are feelings of inadequacy due to ADHD in the first place.
Recently, I was asked the question:
In what ways have I been marginalized in my past?
I didn’t feel I had been, especially since I was born in Germany; that comes with its privilege, as well as the life I was born into. However, upon further reflection and conversation with a dear friend, it came to my attention that, though unknowingly, the very definition of ADHD and what the majority of people still believe to this day does marginalize individuals who either know or later find out they have ADHD.
The current definition of ADHD per the CDC
ADHD is one of the most common neurodevelopmental disorders of childhood. It is usually first diagnosed in childhood and often lasts into adulthood. Children with ADHD may have trouble paying attention, controlling impulsive behaviors (may act without thinking about what the result will be), or be overly active.
So let us dissect this:
DISORDER!!!! Ok, so for starters, we are still, in 2024, seeing it as something broken, something wrong, and something that needs fixing.
“Often lasts…” It is still perceived that this is a childhood disorder that will grow out by the adult years. So, by that thought, now that we are an adult and are still struggling, we are even worse off because supposedly it goes away after childhood?
The mention of surface SYMPTOMS And not brain chemistry and structural divergence is short-sighted and deeply limited. Yes, ADHD individuals struggle with impulsivity, paying attention, and focusing, but this is only the tip of a very large spectrum, as we have discussed in the past.
For the sake of this post, we do NOT see ADHD as a disorder, but simply as a different way the human brain is wired and connected, and if understood and put into the right circumstances, this brain can thrive and function the same way (if not better). ADHD is a lifelong structural and chemical imbalance that may or may not benefit from medical support, just like some people need glasses to correct their eyesight. ADHD also doesn’t mean a lack of focus or attention but a surplus of attention that, unless harnessed, will pay attention to too many things simultaneously.
Below are some of the more in-depth reasons why feelings of inadequacy are so very common with individuals with ADHD and some journaling questions to untangle these connections.
Due to the cognitive challenges presented on a daily basis, obstacles to directing attention for a longer period of time and prioritizing focus on one thing at a time instead of many will have academic, personal, and professional repercussions. When things go uncompleted, dropped, and forgotten over time, this will be seen as inadequate, not good enough, a failure, and certainly not good at #adulting.
Then there is that big term, Executive Functioning. Neurotypical brains often come with a big CEO build-in directing the attention and focus. For neurodiverse brains, this is certainly a bit more difficult as we may pick up on dried paint from the kid's latest art project while the steak is beginning to get overdone on the stove. Obviously, there is one more important than the other, but for an ADHD brain, it could just so happen that the speckle of paint needs to be cleaned before the steak. But then, upon reaching for the cleaning supplies, we may see that there is some dirt on the cabinet door…and the cycle continues. This struggle reaches far into different areas of life and impacts the planning, projection, and maintenance of those plans. It is truly an endless cycle. The result, year after year, is feeling a deep sense of inadequacy.
Time Management is another big term circulating when talking about ADHD. I am fortunate that my upbringing drilled this into me, whether culturally or through academia. However, at this point, it is almost a chronic hyperfocus, and I get negatively impacted if plans change. Over the years, I have learned that my brain strives for a given structure, but when those plans change, panic appears. If I am already on edge, this volcano erupts.
Many ADHDers come with time blindness. We simply cannot properly project how long something will take. And because we thrive in times of pressure, we are drawn to procrastination and love the challenge of seeing if we can finish something last minute. But then we feel drained- Certainly not a sustainable approach.
Low Self-Esteem
The way ADHD affects one socially will eventually lead to lower self-esteem due to the impact the above can have in social settings and relationships. As mentioned earlier in a previous post, something like rejection sensitivity can trigger a vastness of internal thoughts and feelings due to an innate hypersensitivity to criticism. If this is not understood by the one affected, then this can easily corrode self-worth and result in feelings of inadequacy. The people involved with the person with ADHD may not understand the severity and complexity of the reaction and draw invalid conclusions, resulting in perhaps isolation.
Fast-forward to years of struggling with the above. It is almost impossible for it not to become intertwined with self-worth. At some point, each individual will hit a breaking point and begin to experience far stronger mood swings and instability. Energy will decline as it will with age, and our tolerance for struggling will naturally decrease. The stakes become higher as families evolve and life expands. Individuals will have come up with coping mechanisms that are not necessarily healthy but will certainly achieve a sense of relief within the moment. It is not uncommon for alcohol or other drugs to play a role. Avoidance and lowballing oneself will be a common occurrence. Instead of leaning into life, individuals will begin hiding because their self-belief is in the basement.
Solutions-The way forward
The way through this is to develop self-awareness. I touched base on this in last week's post. So much about the ADHD treatment is to understand how it impacts one personally and those who surround us. Understanding brain chemistry, nutrition, lifestyle choices, triggers, and the complexity of these elements will provide a road map to living a life more aligned with one's needs.
Game Changer for Women with ADHD
At this point, I would like to mention a resource that has been a true game-changer. It is the Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. I believe this book can benefit both men and women, and I wish they would rebrand it. This is an absolutely wonderful workbook to work through with journaling activities and reflective cues.
What I will leave you with these two questions is:
How do you define Self- Worth and in what way have your symptoms of ADHD become intertwined with how you see yourself?
When you become triggered, pay attention to what you say internally and write it down. Then, rephrase it into a positive and nurturing outlook.