Does ADHD show up differently in women? YES AND NO.
In the days of gender fluidity and implosions of gender norms, it almost seems wrong to talk about how ADHD shows up differently in women and men. So stay tuned for whether or not it actually IS different between gender…
For review:
ADHD is a complex syndrome of developmental impairments of executive function, which is the self-management system of the brain, which is a primarily UNCONSCIOUS operation. It is a lifelong, neurobehavioral, and genetic syndrome affecting the brain's structural and chemical makeup, resulting in different ways in which communication between neurons and arousal happens. Thus, the struggles show up within the activation and initiation of tasks, focus and sustained energy, regulation of alertness, effort, and processing speed, as well as emotional regulation, working memory, and self-regulation.
Historically
ADHD has been described based on the observations of hyperactive young boys. Females “simply” didn’t display behaviors this way or meet the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders criteria for a diagnosis based on these limited observations. This resulted in an entire group of women being marginalized and left out. Thus, the struggles became unresolved, and instead, the individuals began internalizing the harshest criticisms over time, which tangled them up with their self-worth and identity. Fast forward three decades and a perceived wave of diagnosis is occurring. This is due to the breaking point of many women speaking up. The pandemic, fortunately, brought the importance of mental health to the forefront.
People are finally speaking up.
Can you believe that once upon a time, girls and women were called “ADD Wannabes” because it was believed that this was restricted to the male gender? Fascinating. By the way, I, too, grew up believing ADD was only something boys had. Boys, with too much sugar and screen time. And how did this impact me? Well, my struggles must have been character flaws and weaknesses! As it was written in one of my report cards:
“If Anna applied herself more and tried harder, she would be on top of her class. Her ideas are fantastic.”
Fortunately, today, we know more!
No, ADHD is not restricted to only boys.
No, it doesn’t grow out by adulthood.
No, we don’t need healing “from it.”
Yes, ADHD impacts people from all different walks of life.
And:
Yes, ADHD shows up differently in each of us, AND there is a difference between males and females.
A fantastic image is the ADHD Iceberg.
Do you see the difference in symptoms for gender?
No, that’s the thing; it doesn’t differentiate between male and female. HA! Gotcha.
Life’s struggles and challenges will be intertwined regardless of gender. We must pay attention to the individual's narrative and experiences because those do differ. Historically, a woman’s gender “job” differed from a man’s. Girls were supposed to be quiet, well-behaved, organized, regulated, and nurturing. Boys were historically raised to be strong, outspoken, physical, and “breadwinners.”
So here are my top struggles based on my experience:
Inattention:
I struggle with maintaining focus and attention, often seeking novelty and switching areas of interest. I also become easily distracted, both in small tasks and overall life goals/projects. This has and does lead to difficulties completing tasks, following through on projects, and often losing sight of what matters.
Hyperactivity:
This is where the historical gender norm does play a role. I was always a very active child, though I have learned to sit still primarily through my grandparent's influence. My restlessness turned inward, and internally I still feel hyperactive. Recently, a good friend still tells me “to stop overthinking.” I am so tired of being told this. Just like my eyes are green, my brain is wired to be active and think a lot. And yes, I drink lots of herbal tea, engage in mindful activities, and try to calm the *^&$ down. I seek novelty. Period.
Impulsivity:
Thanks to my former impulsive behavior, I now have a significant story to tell. But oh girl, impulsivity led me down some stormy passages in life, and because I didn’t fully consider the consequences, it led to challenges throughout life. Since then, I have worked on my mindset and reduced my impulsivity to areas where the consequences are so small that I am not risking the peace I have achieved in my life.
Emotional dysregulation:
Yikes. Guilty. This has many times created issues in my relationships. I do have a heightened emotional sensitivity and difficulty managing my emotions. Germans are supposed to be more even-keeled, but I am not always. If my nutrition and sleep are off, I am definitely even more so prone to mood swings, anxiety, or rejection sensitivity. Thanks to regular fitness, journaling and therapy, and very good eating habits, I have found a way to manage this. Also, my daughter is an excellent motivator for working on this. She deserves a regulated mother and a parent who does not easily get triggered. It is a work in progress.
Disorganization:
One of my greatest masking behaviors is time management, planning, and obsessing over organization (although not doing it consistently). It is my go-to way to reduce anxiety caused by life’s oncoming tasks. Routines and daily activities will flood me, causing me to want to abandon the ship. Obviously, it's not an option. An appointment in the second half of the day can cause me to feel frozen in fear of missing it and the anticipation of it. Simultaneously, I am blind to how long something can take, so I take on insurmountable tasks. This is not a once-in-a-while issue, as this is something the majority of people feel from time to time. No, this is something that happens daily. So, I have developed strategies to assist with this and ensure it doesn’t happen so often.
So why does this matter? Because it impacts identity.
Identity is not just how you think about yourself, how you define yourself but also how you exist in the world and your place within it.
Questions to journal about:
How do your personal challenges intertwine with how you see yourself and your self-worth?
How do you show up in the world, and how do you see your place within it?
How does it make you feel about your brain and abilities?
What does self-worth mean to you?
What is your core self?
What are recurring things you tell yourself?
For transparency's sake, I have utilized notes from Sari Solden and Michelle Frank's workbook A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD.
The symptoms, opinions, and observations are mine alone.
Onward and Upward!